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1. Intense and passionate feeling
2. My heart strings when they hear your voice.
Plath: Writing Astronaut I had writers block all summer. There was nothing I could do about it. I just sat in front of my blank computer screen with the little black line flickering impatiently over and over again like fingernails clicking against marble counter-top. A copy of The Bell Jar sat on my desk and looked up at me mockingly. One of my teachers once told me that my prose reminded him of Sylvia Plath. The idea frightened me a little. I often found myself understand Plath through her words the way a poet understands their poetry and that, too, frightened me.
As much as I admire Sylvia Plath, I don’t want to become the next Sylvia Plath. I want to be what Sylvia Plath could have been if she had turned the oven off; if she had traveled to Bordeaux and Berlin during the summer; if she had planted a garden of sunflowers in the fall and watched as the yellow petals uncurled like the sun over the horizon; if she had become an astronaut the way I had dreamed of becoming an astronaut when I was
I Wanted to be an AstronautWhen I was four I decided that I wanted to be an astronaut.
My grandfather died when I was five and I didn’t know what death meant yet,
so I sat on my mothers lap on the front porch while she explained to me
that death was just another word for the way that the seasons move.
I pictured my grandfather at church like on Sunday mornings.
He hugged me and said “goodbye” and it didn’t feel like I was losing him.
He didn’t say goodbye at the funeral.
The drunk driver never said “sorry” to my grandmother.
I stood in my green dress and waited for that word for twelve years.
At least seasons like fall leave behind leaves as “sorrys” and “goodbyes”.
On the drive home from the funeral I had a panic attack.
I just kept thinking “forever forever forever forever”
until I started falling and stopped breathing.
When I was four I wanted to be an astronaut.
When I was five I got vertigo from jumping rope on the pavement.
You and Me and ContradictionsYou make me want to:
laugh and scream,
smile and cry,
dance and break every coffee mug I own,
smell flowers and lock myself in my room,
sing and sleep.
You make me feel:
you make me feel:
You make me:
confused when I think about you,
but when I look at you
I feel like:
everything is exactly the way it should be.
For Luca1. This summer,
I took my little brother to see the fireworks
on the fourth of July.
Fireworks are the only thing I know of that
shines brighter and whines louder than my little brother.
So we watched together,
as the sky exploded.
I held him as tightly as I could.
2.See, I know that there is going to be a day
when that little boy’s heart breaks open
like a firecracker on new years eve;
there’s going to be a day
when he looks up at me and asks me
where his daddy went;
there’s going to be a day when he wants to meet you.
3. You are the disappointment I can’t shelter him from.
So go ahead and call your new motorcycle your baby,
but don’t you ever call that little boy son,
because you are not a father,
at least that’s what you keep telling everybody.
4. I took my little brother to see the fireworks on the fourth of July,
because you were too much of a coward
to hold that ray of sunshine in your hands
You never deserved to see his sunlight.
He is Excalib
Reasons Why I Chose YouThe thing is,
I don’t have to tell you everything.
I don’t have to explain to you
why I am the way I am,
because you were there.
You were always there.
You already know
So we can just sit together
and understand each other’s silence.
Good People or I'm LearningI honestly love people. For the longest time I was angry. There are so many bad people in the world; people who abuse their daughters; people who will steal your smile; people who will touch you and leave you empty; people who break people and things; people who hurt other people. There are so many unthinkable things that have become memories belonging to someone. I use to hate myself because I was a breaker of people and of things; I disappointed myself, but it took me a long time to realize that I was just a child and I was just learning; I deserved to be loved too. I learned to love myself by myself. I’m learning to love others. I hate my smile, but I try to smile as much as I can to people I cross on the street or see in the grocery store; sometimes they smile back. I’ve learned that there are a lot of bad people in the world and there are a lot of good people who have been through bad things. I won’t look at you as a demon just because you’ve been thr
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More